Monday, May 19, 2008

whose words are these?

I have been writing, for weeks now. The words spill out onto paper, making my thoughts real - because I believe in the power of the written word - but even their reality is lost on me sometimes. The sentences are grammatically correct but they don't make sense, for this cannot be what I am thinking, what I am hoping, what I am dreaming. Are my thoughts this morose? Am I writing unbidden for the sake of it? Whose words are these? Is it true, what one of the most well-read men I know in Pakistan said to me all those years ago, that what we write is in essence what we have read and absorbed?

The clock moves slowly, my heartbeat races and slows down, if something were to happen to you unknown, I would never forgive myself and never forget it. If you could've understood, I would've tried to tell you, but even this does not make sense to me. I wish my life would've been easier. I would have stayed at home and filled my heart with discontent I deserved, not that which is created by myself.

The cold does not matter, my thoughts are swirling around and it is only when the trees whoosh that I feel that there has been a change. If you could explain this increasingly strange phenomenon to me, I would keep you awake, keep all of you awake for hours and try to explain that these words are nothing but empty rhetoric, a failed excuse of how sometimes what I am thinking just pops out. The lamps are lit around me, but not on me, because I am enveloped in my thoughts that are keeping me alive. I have been writing, for days, for weeks, for months, for years but all of this is unknown to me still.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

you're forgiven / not forgotten

It is
long forgotten
the pain you caused
I will
in my life
yet to come
forever vow to forget
the pain of the present

Friday, March 21, 2008

a life of responsibility

Having lost the ability to cry properly,
she puts her head in her hands,
sobs quietly for ten minutes,
and gets back to solving the
more pressing problems of the world.

Friday, March 14, 2008

for all those I have loved & lost

And I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
- Soul meets Body, Death Cab for Cutie

Saturday, March 01, 2008

I'm never going to dream another dream for you, again.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

between songs with life bursting at the seams
laughter shared between common bonds
are someone's sinking spirits
and another's breaking heart.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

i know, finally.

silence.
punctuated by the thought of you walking away.

music.
with each emotion spelled out, framed in notes.

talk.
for each memory, every shared emotion, every laugh, the pain of your loss, even momentary, grows.

ghosts.
make me wonder about what i would have done had they not flitted by.